As I flicked through the BBC’s iPlayer last night, I was drawn to a programme called Economy Gastronomy.

Essentially, the format involves two smug individuals showing families how to plan and cook decent meals, thereby discouraging them from shuffling down the supermarket every two days and spending shed loads of wonga on prepackaged crap.

Basic life skills really, but nicely titled to appeal to people who are feeling the pinch. Dreadful to watch, but that’s of secondary importance — it’s the title that will make or break a TV show. It’s what makes people tune in; and once they’ve done that, most will be inclined to give the programme a chance.

The secret of a good title is this. Take a word that’s foremost in people’s minds, like ‘economy’ (after all, we’re still in a recession), and then find something to rhyme with it.

It’s a great way to get some of your pet schemes on the air. That’s why I’m proud to unveil the following (© Ben Locker & Associates, naturally).

Economy Taxonomy
Two self-regarding presenters tour Britain’s libraries and show staff how much more fun it is to catalogue books completely at random.

Economy Metronomy
The same two presenters spend 60 minutes telling penniless musicians what makes them tick.

Economy Agronomy
In this show, our two friends show farmers how to beat the recession by growing crops without soil.

Economy Physiognomy
(This one’s the world beater). Our presenters encourage ugly people who can’t afford plastic surgery to wear welding masks when out in public.

Anyway, you get the idea. Though I’ve a niggling feeling that I’m a better copywriter than I would be a TV producer.